We see an example of this kind of prayer in Acts 12. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results” (NLT). The Bible speaks of earnest prayer in James 5:16: “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. And, whenever I needed prayer, Stephanie would speak words of wisdom and hope that encouraged me to persevere and ground myself in God’s promises. When I was going through challenges in my marriage and needed godly advice, Stephanie was there to give it. When I was in the thick of motherhood and needed someone to talk to, Stephanie was there to listen. Stephanie’s prayers inspired me to read the Bible, wholeheartedly seek God, and eventually find a church that helped me cultivate a deeper, personal relationship with Jesus. It immediately drew me to her and woke me up to where I stood in my walk with Christ. While I grew up in the church, never had I heard someone pray with such passion and fervor. I first met my friend Stephanie at a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) meeting twelve years ago. When others are given the freedom to share what they’re feeling and how the pain is impacting them, they’ll begin to move through their grief toward growth and healing. We can refute this belief by comforting our friends in pain upfront with the words, “You’re never a burden,” and “I’ll always be here for you.” We can let them feel their pain without shifting to finding the silver lining or covering it with Christian clichés. Over the years, as a women’s ministry leader and board-certified mental health coach, I’ve encountered numerous individuals who suffered in silence because they didn’t want to push others away. ![]() She experienced moments of despair when, seemingly out of the blue, she’d say, “I just want Mike back.” Reassuring her that her feelings were valid and sharing that I missed Mike too provided an opportunity for us to mourn together and for me to be there to support her. When my father-in-law, Mike, passed away in October-also from a brain tumor-my mother-in-law recounted all the things she wished she’d done differently. Asking questions such as, “What was that like for you?” and encouraging them to tell you more can also assist in helping them process their pain.Įmpathetic listening includes creating space for your loved ones to articulate their losses and acknowledge any anger, denial, frustration, disappointment, or fear they’re feeling without trying to talk them out of it. While none of us will ever understand exactly what it’s like to be in someone else’s shoes, actually trying to imagine it and saying, “I know this is hard on you, and I’m sorry you’re going through it,” helps them feel less alone. You can help normalize what they’re experiencing by assuring them you would feel similarly if going through the same loss. Through restating and paraphrasing, you can let the other person know you see them, hear them, and recognize how difficult their situation must be. Empathetic listening includes responding in a way that conveys acceptance, compassion, and understanding rather than pity. You can help calm their anxiety by asking them to share their story and listening empathetically. They worry if they share their grief they’ll push others away or become a burden. As a family member or friend of someone who is hurting, you can provide a safe place for them to share their feelings without judgment, criticism, or condemnation. Grieving what we’ve lost and allowing our pain to be seen are necessary to move toward healing. Periodically, her eyes would well up with tears and we wept with her, giving her space to talk about her grief if she wanted while knowing silence was also okay ( Romans 12:15). Our focus was on listening to Monica, allowing her to initiate the conversation and choose which memories she wanted to share. During that time, close friends and family brought food and reminisced about her husband’s life. In accordance with Jewish custom, Monica and her daughter “sat Shiva” for seven days-a practice of mourning by the family of the deceased that dates back to before the Flood. This past September, my friend Monica’s husband unexpectedly passed away from a brain tumor. ![]() Job 2:13 tells us they sat in silence “because they saw how great his suffering was.” Pastor Rick Warren reiterated the importance of showing up and ministering through quiet presence when he said, “The deeper the pain, the fewer words you use.” ![]() For seven days, they wept and grieved with Job without saying a word. In the Book of Job, upon learning about his suffering, three close friends-Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar-came to “sympathize with him and comfort him” ( Job 2:11 NIV). The ministry of presence is one of the greatest gifts we can provide to our loved ones who are hurting.
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